know what it feels like when you're so close to getting what you've longed for and then just when u can feel it, right there, in your fingers ------it gets pulled away from you in one sudden, swift, brutal, cruel movement?

i know.

know what it feels like when it gets pulled away from you even though you did all you could to get it?

i know.

know what it feels like when it gets pulled away even when you did EVERYTHING right?

i know.

NOW know what it feels like when things get pulled away not once, not twice, but many times?

i KNOW.

KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE WHEN NOTHING GOES YOUR WAY FOR DAMN LONG?

I KNOW.

and it hurts, it really does.

but me being me, i'll smile. i promise i will. and for the few, the very few who actually give a shit about whether i live or die, i promise i'll get over this.

rejection. for what feels like the 1000000th damn time. sick of it.

what have i achieved in rj? NOTHING. did nothing, got bad grades, achieved nothing. i stayed true to myself, but wat do i get in the end? a BIG FAT ZERO staring at me wherever i go. no one appreciates me for who i am, all they look at is grades grades grades. IS THAT ALL THAT MATTERS?

it hurts. i hurt.

so hahhaa my econs was not as bad as i thought it would be..i got a D!!! not bad at all..

had open house two days ago, and floorball tournament yesterday.

open house was really quite tiring..brought four rg girls around the whole of rj and yar they were not exactly very enthusiastic..ok they were dam boring.

me: "so where would you like to go now?"
girl 1: "erm" [looks at girl 2,3,4]
girls 2,3,4: [whisper to each other, giggle, and then stay silent and look at me]

after like five seconds of very awkward silence where they just stare at me, i finally suggest going to the library, where i met JOVIAN!! hahahaha he was like sniggering away for some reason. and btw, jovian i think u look really smart wif the tie on. just an observation.

and at the end of the tour, my legs were GONE. so dam tiring. helped around wif yowie after my shift ended and that was it. anyway i think open house was organised quite well and things pretty much did go to plan. good work council!!

yesterday's floorball tournament was VERY VERY FUN. ha a pretty mixed performance from me...i scored the fastest goal of the tournament (must haf been under 10 sec after the match started) and i also got myself sent off by the referee for sliding in an attempt to intercept a pass. the combined arts team (stallone, daniel chen, akesh, yee ler, bhavan, just, eric, glen ang, han ting, nick chiu and me) did not do well at all though we did give our best. we lost 2-1 to some team, and drew 2-2 wif two other teams. but i scored!! haha and therefore its some sort of consolation for us not making it through to the semi-finals.

tmr shud be an interesting day. gtg to do stupid pw now.

been a long while since i last blogged. first it was the promos, then post-promos i just embarked on this playing spree. pro evoluton soccer, knights of the old republic 2, football manager 2005, nba live 2005, nhl 2005 blarblar basically a LOT of games.

i am crossing my fingers now.

still crossing, going through possible scenarios that could happen tomorrow.

Scenario 1:
Miss Lee: eddy ah, not bad lar this time at least u got a C!!
me: oh my #$^&#*^(#&(# are u SERIOUS?!?!?!?!
Miss Lee: REALLY!! don't believe u see lor!
me: [snatches script back, sees the "C", celebrates by dancing with a chair]

ok..that was the ideal scenario. although that happening is about as likely as yam becoming SLIM. then again.........................hhahahahahhahaha NVM. the next scenario is far more likely though.

Scenario 2:
Miss Lee: eddy ah, do u mind take THREE 'A' level subjects?

yup. far more likely. serves me right i guess, can't really expect to suddenly do well cos i've put in all of 2,3 weeks of work.

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anyway last wednesday was my OGL interview. interviewed by yowie, junli and xinling (if that's how u spell their names) and it was...very funny, though it was quite difficult. i guess i started the interview off on the wrong foot.

one of them: why do u want to become an OGL?
me: WOW i so did NOT expect that question, AT ALL..hahaha

yar, u see what i mean? my sarcasm really set the tone of the interview.

later on, i wud be asked to tell lame jokes ENTHUSIASTICALLY to the wall.

me: "HI MR. WALL!!!! why do PEOPLE love hanging out wif MUSHROOMS??"
xinling: "why?"
me: "cos mushrooms are fungis!!!!!!!!!! [fun guys]"

yupyupp i know its a bad joke, plus a really over-used one, but my mind was in a mess and i cudn't think of which lame joke to tell. too many lar.

the worst was yet to come. i was to dance with a chair. like WHATTTTTTT?????? everyone who's seen me "dance" (dun even know if u cud call those erm...MOVEMENTS a dance) before, will agree that my dancing is so bad, its worse than my MATH. and trust me, that says a lot.

basically, i made a fool of myself. and now i feel dam embarrassed whenever i walk past yowie/junli/xinling..ha i hope they'll like forget about it soon enuff..

anyways promo results so far have been not too good, not too bad for me.
Lit: C
Hist: C
GP: A2
Math: ? (99% sure it's an F)
Econs: ? (pray i get D at least)

but regardless of the above, im PROMOTED!!!!!!!!!!!! YESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gtg now to watch "stairway to heaven" bye