WHY???!?!?!?!?!??!!?

guinness are DUMBBBB. below is an e-mail from them in reply to my fantastic proposal of a new world record attempt.
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Reference: WC137554
Membership Number: 133814

Dear Mr Hirono

Thank you for your enquiry regarding your intention to attempt the record for 'Most number of crutch-hops on the spot'. This is not of interest, but we suggest instead that you attempt our existing record for 'Fastest 100 m on crutches'.
There is not currently a record in this category. However, you may wish to check with us again prior to making an attempt to be sure that a new record has not been accepted in the interim. We have attached our specific guidelines for this category which details the requirements you must follow to make your attempt. You should ensure that all those participating and those witnessing the attempt are aware of the contents of these guidelines. We would also draw your attention to the specific authentication we require when you come to make your claim for this category. This is in addition to the general authentication requirements as detailed in the Record Breakers Pack you already have.

Once the record has been attempted and you have compiled your claim and completed the Agreement Regarding Supporting Materials (included in the Record Breakers Pack), all the information should be sent to us here at:GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS338 EUSTON ROADLONDON NW1 3BDUNITED KINGDOMOnce the record has been attempted and you have compiled your claim and completed the standard record agreement form, they should be sent to us here at: GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS, 338 EUSTON ROAD, LONDON NW1 3BD, UNITED KINGDOM

Once you know the exact date on which you'll be attempting your record, please let us know by visiting the TRACKING section of our website. Simply follow this link - http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/tracking - and enter your membership ID and password. You will then be able to alter the date of your attempt and confirm it by ticking the checkbox. Should you not have online access you can always contact us by post, or telephone, quoting the appropriate membership numbers.

Please ensure that your Reference WC number (above) is clearly marked on your package and all documentation.

If you should require any further information, please do not hesitate to get in contact with us. Otherwise, we hope the attempt goes well and look forward to hearing from you in the future.

Yours sincerely,
Scott Christie
Records Research Services
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WTF..my dreams shattered. just like that.

yam posted the following on the class blog, and i took up the challenge..

1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll pick a dream occupation that i think you will love
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) I'll tell you something that I've always wanted to but some how never did.
9) I'll tell you my favourite memory of you.
10) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written!

SO HERE IS WHAT YAM WROTE ABOUT ME.

1) My mum actually thinks you are good looking
2) Song: Happy by The Rolling Stones, read the lyrics, I seriously believe they sound just like you. Movie: Dude, Where's My Car. Pretty obvious why.
3) Arsenal star striker.
4) Still remember, "genetic engineering is prostitution?"
5) I recall watching you play during inter-class soccer, thinking, who the fuck is the half-insane moron clattering people?
6) Monkey. Duh.
7) How was it like having a crush?
8) I honestly think that what you're doing about certain people is actually very admirable. Stupid. But admirable.
9) Hmm... I still recall being full of trepidation and shit like that when first entering oneE, then I recall you saying "let insecticides be insecticides", and boom, suddenly the whole place felt so much more relaxed. Most likely that one.

ha. pretty much wat i wud haf written about myself actually. ESPECIALLY "dude, where's my car", "monkey" and "arsenal star striker".

and then this from roland.

1) you make bad jokes.
2) song: the white stripes - we are going to be friends. because it's so cheerful and carefree. movie: pooh's heffalump movie because you look like winnie the pooh. and it's cheerful and carefree too.
3) reserve team in arsenal. i doubt you can complain.
4) digging noses and 8 golden kiwi fruits.
5) i thought i saw you somewhere in ri before the first day you were in 1e.
6) a monkey. mischievous.
7) how the hell do you think up such bad jokes?!
8) i love you. ok i think we have good taste in music. mwahaha.
9) the night we spent together on the beach..when you self-jacked (no, not the one that all you pervs are thinking of) in front of a certain someone. that was a LOL moment.

wtf roland. my jokes are GOOD. right im kidding myself. what do u call fake shit?
SHAM-POO!!! hurhurhur not funny.

then there's shibryani murtabak aka shibani mahtani

1. you are lame. Extremely. And yes you are full of shit, too
2. song- craig david- a world filled with love. Though it annoys me, but not that you do. Haha. Movie- Charlie and the chocolate factory! Some very eddy-ish level of humour. And if im not wrong, the first and only movie I watched with you
3. sports commentator!
4. imagine the reaction of my mum's boss if the guiness people fax a reply to my mum's office. Haha
5. I remember thinking, omg way cool this guy is half jap! and when shiyun drew the lame club sign on your hand. I cant think of anyone who could fit that symbol better
6. monkey, as the other two said
7. seriously, how can anyone make that many corny puns and retarded jokes?!
8. I admire you a lot. Haha (:
9. the note you wrote when I left 1e. touching. And a permanent memory too.(since its in writing) Plus all the countless nice msn convos (:

thanx..im melting now..awwwwwwwwwww..hahaha very touched. thanx shib.

koped this from the class blog cos its really quite hilarious. here goes..

First, write down the names of twenty people you know. Then read and answer the questions.You can't look at the questions until you write down the twenty names you're going to use.

1) yam
2) jon
3) roland
4) jovian
5) abel
6) sean
7) alps
8) zan
9) ying
10) shiyun
11) cheryl
12) weiqi
13) charis
14) wei
15) zhihui
16) rushan
17) wendy
18) elaine
19) mavis
20) shib

1. Is #9 a boy or a girl? girl
2. Would u consider #11 and #2 a cute couple? ERM. hmm very debatable leh. i guess yes?
3. How about #18 and #4? erm...no
4. What grade is #17 in? we're all in J1
5. When was the last time you talked to #12? wow LONG LONG time. online about a few days ago.
6. What is #6's favorite band? gawd im stumped. erm...prob some band ive neva heard of.
7. Does #1 have any siblings? YES. a rather cute sister who is rather imcomprehensible, unfortunately. and a younger brother who is as erm... chunky as he is.
8. Would you ever date #3? HMM. HAHAHHAHAHAHAAHA erm lets just leave it at that.
9. Would you ever date #7? no im not into gay sex..WAIT. oops, lets just leave it at that.
10. Is #16 single? wah..no idea at all.
11. What's #15's last name? lee
12. What's #10's middle name? auntie.
13. What's #5's favorite thing to do? "flying" to the toilet and back
14. Is #13 hot? i dunno. ill hafta ask her whether her aircon is on.
15. Would #14 and #19 make a good couple? friends hell YES. but couple..erm...dun think theyre lesbians
16. What school does #20 go to? we all go to rjc
17. Tell me a random fact about #11? she likes to poke her dimples.
18. And #1: he is FAT. and he's a good 5kg or more heavier than me
19. And #4: he is VULGAR. and his command of hokkien vulgarities words is beyond compare.
20. Have you ever had a crush on #15? hahahahahaa NO.
21. Where does #9 live? wow i dunno.
22. What's #3 favorite color? black? i dunno.
23. Would you makeout with #14? ok. i apologise to the readers for that horrible image swimming in ur heads now. NO
24. Are #5 & #12 best friends? not quite i guess.
25. Does #7 like #2? YES
26. Does #8 like #19? i think so
27. How did you meet #2? first day of term 2 in rjc
28. How did you meet #18? ditto
29. Does #10 have any pets? i dun think so.
30. Is #12 older than you? i dun think so
31. Is #17 the sexiest person alive, or what? i apologise, but i am of the opinion that she isn't, that wud HAFTA be me.

tada. random, but really fun, for me at least. ha

hilarious. absolutely hilarious. yam just sent me some shit which is dam hilarious. read on.

Powergen, the UK's leading integrated gas and electricity company, supposedly picked a rather unfortunate domain name for the web site of their Italian subsidiary, Powergen, that sounded like a shopping place for persons looking to purchase industrial-strength vibrators: powergenitalia.com.

The Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales, Australia, opted for a domain name that unfortunately carries connotations of being a breeding ground for pedophiles: molestationnursery.com.

and to cap it off,http://web.archive.org/web/20021207090310/www.nice-tits.org/types.html. its freekin hilarious that a bird-watching society has a stupid url like www.nice-tits.org

have a good laugh. bye

math lecture today was hahahahahhaa really dumb. i came up with my best one-liner for 2005 right there in those plastic green seats of lt 3 listening to joanne lui rattle on about "dee wai dee ex".

Scene: LT 3 Math Lecture
Cast: Eddy Hirono, Miss Joanne Lui

Miss Lui: You see right, differentiation is like peeling an onion...[points to some onion-shaped drawing on the transparency]
Me: [interrupts] YES!!! it makes you CRYYYY!!!!
Miss Lui: it's like you peel the layers off one by one.............
[exeunt]

moral of the story? that if at first you don't come up wif a good joke, try and try again (while incurring the wrath of the whole class), till u come up wif a good one! hahah so proud of myself.

anyway this brings me to the more serious bit of this entry. what am i gonna do after i graduate from university? assuming i make it to one.

yam and i always do this "predict wat our classmates are gonna be in future", for example, we think abel's gonna be a civil servant, zan a lawyer, alps some corporate highflier and jon some gp teacher in rjc. WAIT. isn't he already....NVM hahahaha if u dun get it, ur not supposed to

and i came up wif this possibility for myself. im gonna disappear for a long while, and one day when yam or someone else walks into borders looking for FHM or another one of those "intellectual" reads, he's gonna chance upon a stack of books with gay purple covers and emblazoned across the cover, in gold lettering...."THE ULTIMATE JOKE-BOOK VOLUME 243"....and in small lettering below "Eddy Hirono". then, yam will be so surprised, that he'll flip open the cover and see...

PRICE: $34.95
SPECIAL OFFER: $17.90
MEGA CLEAR-OUT SALE: $5.90
COMES ABSOLUTELY FREE WITH PURCHASE OF "THE ULTIMATE JOKE-BOOK VOLUME 242!!!"

hahaha i really hope i DO NOT end up like THAT. not that i dun wanna write joke books, but if i do, i want them to sell out real quick.

but seriously, my options are limited, and i dunno wat im gonna do in future. wat im interested in seems to be out of reach. journalist? MAYBE. but my writing's nowhere near good enuff. comedian? not funny enuff..plus comedians in singapore who are successful are predominantly chinese comedians, and my chinese SUX. and my dream job, being a tv presenter/match analyst on ESPN Star Sports? well. i've got tons of knowledge on the english premier league, and i sure have the interest but let's just say that they seem to only be interested in you if you're british. think john dykes, andy penders, paul masefield, PJ Roberts, and that dasey guy. and i happen to be NOT british. just half japanese, a quarter chinese, an eighth malay, an eighth thai. PLUS, i dun look as presentable as they do. PLUS, i'm not as fluent as they are when presenting on screen. PLUS, i'd be SOOOOO tempted to slip in jokes during the analysis, like making fun of players' names and stuff, which would really irritate viewers, so this is a no-no too. counsellor/psychologist? though i really wanna be one, it seems IMPOSSIBLE as im not serious enuff, and my life is a mess, how to advise others?!?!

THERE! all my dream jobs. out of reach. too far. should stop dreaming, and start mugging, so that i can get some crapass scholarship which bonds me to some crapass organisation and i get paid to do some job that i really don't want. like i dunno...teach? hahaha possible that i become like a primary school english teacher..and corrupt the young minds of the children..actually not a bad idea at all!! i cud ask to be posted to acs (p) and then i can take REVENGE. [evil laffter]

BUT. im not gonna get to university if i just blog about what i'm gonna do in future. so i shud go mug now.

before u read on, please take a moment to remember those who perished in the 911 attacks 4 years ago on this very day.

anyway, arsenal went down to middlesbrough last night in a shock 2-1 defeat, goals coming from maccarone, yakubu and reyes. shocking, abysmal, dismal, unfathomable, lacklustre..the list goes on. the only real positive is probably the form of reyes. he was a constant threat, and if his finishing can improve just slightly, he'll be a key player in our title challenge this season. and i firmly believe that arsenal still do have an outside chance of snatching the title back from abramoRICH and his chelski.

and for a laff, please check out http://69.93.40.114/~today123/audio/giftjose.wma. thanx roland for sending it to me!! its a really good impersonation of jose mourinho and his chelski players, complete with a "song" entitled "jose and his amazing technicolour overcoat". its DAM FUNNY.

i was looking through my "beatles' no. 1s" cd today, and i saw something really funny. as the cd is imported from china, the english song titles come wif chinese translations next to them. so i was looking thru the chinese titles when i saw "you4 chang2 you4 da4 feng1 de4 lu4", which translated into english is the "long and windy road". and then i looked at the english title, and i almost laffed my ass off, cos it was actually "the long and winding road"!! WTF chinese translators are fantastic. actually, it's not just the chinese. i rmb when i was 10, i went to Japan to visit my grandfather in hospital as he was critically ill. on the way to the hospital, my dad brought me into a cafe by the road, the only one in the area with a menu in english, so i could order too. the menu turned out to be quite a laugh. One could order "FLESH JUICE", "SAUSAGEES", "HAMU and EGGS", and "WAFFURU sarved with strawberry sauce". hahhaa for those who can't figure out what the above items were, its "fresh juice", "sausages", "ham and eggs" and "waffle served with strawberry sauce". hilarious.

actually, i shouldn't really be making fun of their english when my proficiency in the japanese language is VERY VERY laughable too. yam-san no manko totemo okii desu!!! ok that didnt make sense. sorry yam.

tata till next time.

the toilet saga

this rocks. one day after i say ill try to keep my mouth shut, i use it again in a not-very-nice way.

Scene: KFC (Toa Payoh HDB Hub)
Cast: Eddy Hirono, KFC auntie in cubicle, lets just call her See Bei Lao

[Eddy walks to the cubicle door (only one toilet for both sexes) and pulls. Door doesn't budge. Thinking he has to push it, Eddy pushes door forward]

See Bei Lao: "La yi ci jiu hao le lar, la na me duo ci!! KNN" (english translation: can't u just pull once instead of pulling so many times!! hokkien vulgarity)

Eddy: [pissed (as in, angry, not urinated..can't urinate when the stupid auntie still inside)] "wo la men, ni la du zi la!!" (english translation: I pull door, u have diarrhoea!!)

See Bei Lao: KNN!! (hokkien vulgarity again.)

[Eddy fears the person behind the door could be a serial killer/hitwoman/pro wrestler/anyone who cud possibly hurt him and flees back to his table and his two crispy breasts.]

[auntie walks out of cubicle and looks around for the person who just shouted at her. auntie walks away looking puzzled and furious.]

[exeunt]

as u can see, i didnt really try very hard to keep my mouth shut today. and had i not fled back to the safety of my table and continued eating my chicken innocently, i might have been i dunno...choked to death by a roll of toilet paper stuffed down my throat by the auntie? who looks like she is permanently pms-ing by the way.

so i promise ill TRY to shut that trap of mine.

gtg sleep now.

FINALLY..a new blog.

yay!! my blog is finally done so i can start with my first real post..

watched "red eye" on monday wif my mum and my cousin and his wife and i hafta say that the movie was kinda predictable, but i think the presence of rachel mcadams made a world of a difference. she is dam pretty!!! yups but anyways, after the movie we took the lift down to the carpark, and in the lift was this malay cleaner with a bucket of dirty water. He wore overalls that had "S.M.S" stitched onto the left breast. The following conversation took place in the lift under the watchful eye of the cleaner.

Mum: "eh wat do u think SMS stands for ar?"
Me: [shrug]
Mum: "cud it be like simon's maintenance services?"
Me: "hahaha more like short malay servant lar hahahaha"

At this moment, the cleaner looked at me, then my mum, then my cousin, then his wife. i wasnt sure if he understood wat i said or even heard it..and i didnt wanna find out. thankfully we reached b2 and the door opened. unsurprisingly, i was the first to bolt out of the lift.

sigh. i really need to learn to shut my trap at appropriate times. how many times haf i landed/almost landed in trouble because of my mouth? i still rmb the days back in acs primary (life sucked then) when i was often punished either for talking out of turn or for vulgar language or for trying to be too cheeky. well in p4, this guy called samuel kwok (samuel, if ur reading this. SCREW U.)went to the teacher and said...

"TEACHER!!! EDDY USED THE F-WORD!!!"

that short statement led to the teacher punishing me. she asked me to bring a bottle of Listerine to class the next day and rinse my mouth with it, cos i had a "foul mouth". wtf. those were the best-forgotten days in acs, where i got into all sorts of trouble. numerous "foul mouth" incidents, the occasional show of defiance to the teacher, not to forget running away from home/school and getting the police searching high and low for me while i was in a stranger's house crying like a madman. right, best-forgotten as i said.

from today onwards, im gonna try and curb that mouth of mine. TRY.

till the next entry.

FIRST POST!!!

yaaaayyy first post..though i dun think anyone is reading this at all..hahaha

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